 Jeepers
Creepers
Sept.09.2001
Jeepers
Creepers
After making a horrific discovery in the basement of an old abandoned
church, a sister (Gina Philips) and brother
(Justin Long) watch their
routine road trip home from college turn into a heart-stopping race for
their lives.
That is what the newspapers all said about the plot. Sounds scary huh?
That's the problem, it "sounds" scary. Harry at Aint it cool news was
talking about how great this movie was, as far as independant horror
movies go. So ... I was stuck in Vegas and thought I'd saunter on over
the the local casino and take a peek at the movie. I started by
watching the first half of Rockstar with Mark Wahlberg, then snuck into
the next theatre that was showing Jeepers Creepers, then when Jeepers
wrapped up, I then went and finished my peekaboo at Rockstar because
the next showing was at the exact spot where I left. That movie was
actually a lot of fun. But that's a different review...literally. [ I
hate the over use, abuse and misuse of the world "literally", how
ironic is that?] badaboom "I'm here all week folks, try the veal"
What did I think of Jeepers Creepers? Not much to be Frank. Frank was a
friend of my Mom and Dads when I was a kid, good guy. He always brought
candy over and would give me a couple of bucks when my folks weren't
looking. He was "on my side" he would say. So I don't mind putting some
time in as Frank. I just made that all up. Just in case my Dad reads
this and goes "Who the hell was Frank?" and gets in an argument with my
Mom about keeping men secret from him in 1977. I don't need the grief,
and I plan on going home for christmas this year and I don't want there
to be any uncomfortable silences to be Frank... oops there I go again.
Anyway....Jeepers Creepers reminded me of those movies you saw late
Saturday night on TV. I'm talking back in 1984 when there were 4
channels, and you watched what was on or nothing. You ended up liking
schlok that you never would like had you been privy to 100 channels of
modern day sanity bashing infomercials. Anyway, this movie was fun, BUT
the bad guy was sooo over the top, and so.... cliche it left me wanting
more... more of the sleep I got during the movie. Yet having said
that, it was like they wanted two or three different kind of bad guys
and they kept changing their mind as the movie went on. He's this
really scary mindless backwoods serial killer. From the same hood as
Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw massacre. Oh wait, now he's some
trenchcoat wearing gunslinging type bad guy with a really really stupid
hat. Oops I blinked, now he's a big 2 ton meat eating demon with... . Wait, sorry folks, yeah
he's a demon alright, but more like the Predator of demons. Meanwhile,
the poor kids who were picked for the lead roles try and muddle through
the movie with the same lines over and over and over. It sounds like I
hated this movie, well I didn't. But I also didn't like it. I think it
would have been a great movie if I was still 14. Granted, there were
some scary moments but not enough for me to give this movie a good
review. In 1981 this would have been a great flick, but in 2001 I have
no idea why it's here. Like a lost kid at Kmart, it just whines and
sure we feel sorry for it, but we just want it's mom to come and pick
it up.
And it goes a little something like this... hit it:
Older sister Trish (Gina Philips) and her younger brother Darry
(Justin
Long) are heading home for spring break. They decide to take a short
cut, or ... well whatever, the story places them on the back roads of
some out of the way road that is so quiet and so far out of the way, that no one
even lives on the fricken thing. Yet it's very paved and very kept up,
okaaay. So, smack dab in the middle of the blue (as apposed to out of
the blue) an old truck tries to run
them off the road, and when they spot it again later at an abandoned
church, they know something is definitely wrong. Cause as they pass by, the
wwf looking driver of the truck seems to be throwing something like a body wrapped
in a very clean white sheet, with blood on it, down a sewer pipe. Yet
there isn't much that looks like a body, except a body, and don't get
me started where he got white linen. Trish and Darry make the
decision to go back and investigate (keep driving!!), but the dark
rotten evil
scary truth is.. oops I just ruined it.
Trish and Darry wind up being tracked down by the man in the truck, and
they learn soon enough that he's not actually a man, but more of a
really bad attempt to make 10 sequels.. er I meant Monster/Demon -- some kind of creature or beast that has decided to prey on
them and anyone who accidentally walked into the theatre. This is where the shock factor, which has so far
actually been believable
and very edgy, gets returned to the movie plot store, with the receipt,
for something cheaper that was made in Taiwan. The Monster/Demon can only be
explained as Cheesy Freddy meets Cheesier Jason meets MTV's Real World.
The Monster/Demon is so not scary that you sink down in your seat,
actually embarrassed that they put this on the screen. There is also
some sort of ridiculous story about how the Monster/Demon only kills
when the old song "Jeepers Creepers" is playing. Which makes no
freaking sense. I mean, does this song follow the bad dude around, or does it
just give him power when it plays? They don't explain that. So does he own the local radio station?
Because it's constantly playing everywhere, and not just the old
classic, but some newly vamped rock and roll version plays as well.
This part makes no sense and it seems just contrived and added later to
give the movie a "cool" name. In addition to that, the Monster/Demon
just whistles it wherever he goes, so I guess that means, if he can
only do his murders when the song is playing, and he whistles it...
problem solved right? He just has to sing. Next time I'm laying in my
room and I hear humming from the closet, I'm SOUTH KIDS!!
As I write this review I realize more and more how this movie was
actually pretty darn horrible. We've just been starved for a good
horror movie for so long that you WANT to like it. But the
Monster/Demon is just too ridiculous to be scared of. The truck he
drives he has vanity plates for god sakes!! I'm not goinna go into the
ways they could have made this movie better, because who am I to judge
(oops too late). I don't think I'd recommend it unless yer young, or
looking for a fun date movie to rent in the hopes she/he says "Let's
turn this crap off and get it ON!". In fact nah, stay away from this
flick 100%. Go see
Session 9 or something
else that has a little more "run you poor bastards" to it. Hell just
stare in the mirror at your "back of the arm" fat, that'll put a bigger
chill up yer spine.
Stay home and watch cnn... that'll freak ya out. Something's bound to
happen eventually even on the news that'll make ya scream louder than
this piece o poopla!
Clint "Sevy" Vander Klok
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